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About Unexpected Generosity

Nov 8, 2007 | Hope & Encouragement

Still no news on my stolen car. Frustrating, yes, but that emotion has been offset by the stunning and unexpected generosity of one of my dearest friends.

She GAVE me a car!

She called randomly that morning just to see how I was doing – the day I went outside and found nothing. I said, “Well, I’ve had better days.” Our conversation continued and after she expressed her rage and indignation she said, “OK…we have a car that I was about to donate to the church. We have two others and don’t need this one. It’s just been sitting in the garage for the last four months. I was planning to give it to a needy family. You can have it.”

Who knew I’d be the needy family?!?

Tomorrow I’ll go to the DMV and get the title switched, the tabs renewed, and the insurance instated on my policy. I’ll also take it to a repair shop to have it looked over – just to see what needs to be done.

I’ve been thinking: as much as I desire to be in control, even though I know I’m not, it might be that I don’t really want to trust that the Divine, the Sacred is actually in control. I’m not always certain that I can depend on such; that were I to let go of control (holding on the illustion that I have it in the first place) things might not go the way I want.

But here’s the thing: when my life is the most out of control is when the Divine chooses to show up, miracles occur, and I am reminded that I’m seen, heard, and cared for – in stunning ways…with unexpected generostiy.

I don’t want any more stolen cars, but I do want eyes that see, ears that hear, and a heart that anticipates the Divine-made-manifest, incarnated really, all around me, all the time.

Making Hard Choices

Oct 15, 2007 | Sacred Stories, Women's Wisdom

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live. ~ Flora Whittemore

A lovely sentiment, but far more palpable – and even painful – when we have to live with those decisions.

I had to make a hard decision this weekend. If it only impacted me, it would be easier to bear; but it didn’t. I wasn’t just deciding the life I live, as Flora Whittemore espouses. I was deciding, at least for a time, the lives that others would live, as well. That’s a lot of pressure; pressure I wish wasn’t mine. Still, hard choices sometimes have to be made. Consequences ensue. Disappointment and frustration are inevitable.

How do I hold on to myself in the midst of making such a choice? How do I continue walking forward when my deepest desire and instinct is to turn and run for cover? I’m not sure, but at least for tonight, I’m slowed in my impulse to escape by returning to the story of the woman who anointed Jesus’ feet. She chose to do something that was totally against the grain and which incurred her even more contempt than she already knew. Somehow she trusted her internal wisdom enough that she could break through all that would have kept her playing things safe. She acted. She moved. She let herself be seen.

And…my hunch is that her life didn’t get all that better because of it – at least externally. She made a hard choice, knowing there would be a price to pay and consequences that would ensue. She’s a beautiful, strong, and amazing woman.

I wish I could say that my hard choice fell in the same realm as her self-sacrificing and beautifully worshipful one. Mine could hardly be said to resemble hers, at all. Still, she encourages me. And what’s more, the love she experiences because of her choice comforts me.

Maybe that’s the key: no matter the choices we make or their ramifications, we are still loved – deeply, unswervingly, unreservedly – by the Divine. I think I can live with my hard choice knowing such.

Choices come and go. Some are better than others. Some are harder than others. But being loved no matter what? That defines and decides my life in ways that offer me hope, encouragement, and rest.

I needed to make a hard choice. Even more, I believe I needed the hard choice to move me toward remembering, experiencing, and encountering the Divine who loves me before, in the midst, and after. That’s good news at the end of a long, hard day.