It’s all fine and well for me to wax eloquent on themes and ideas related to the wild woman, to God, to cultural/societal norms that feel like cages and chains, and even to ways in which all of these seemingly disparate topics overlap and weave together. But so much remains theoretical. I know this.
It’s the safest place for me to be.
For many of you, the concepts I play with offer you hope (and comfort). For others, I raise questions you ponder and wonder about (comfortably and/or uncomfortably). I’m OK with both. What I’ve not been OK with is ostracizing or offending; stepping out on a limb and speaking from my heart instead of just my head. It’s frightening and uncomfortable. And it’s kept me paralyzed, stuck, not moving – at least in the assertive, strong, and wild ways I want.
Fear is OK if I let it advise, inform, shape, and compel. But a lack of action? NOT OK.
When I let fear get the better of me I stay in the theoretical, the safe, my head and thereby avoid the real, the risky, and my heart. I’m not practicing what I preach.
The most consistent place in which this fear has displayed itself is in not doing the interpretive, theological work about which I speak. Translated: not writing about Scripture – about these powerful, amazing stories that have been hidden, misinterpreted, and mangled throughout time. It’s crazy, I know. Full of paradox. Even nonsensical. It is the most consistent (and comfortable) place in which my thoughts, emotions, and ongoing personal/spiritual work exist, swirl, dance, and grow. I just keep it to myself. Because I’m afraid.
But here’s the thing: my fear is telling me exactly what I need to be talking and writing about. Where I know the most resistance is where I need to move – and fast, powerfully, with no intention of stopping, being sidelined, or even considering defeat.
The enemy is Resistance. The enemy is our chattering brain, which, if we give it so much as a nanosecond, will start producing excuses, alibis, transparent self-justifications, and a million reasons why we can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do what we know we need to do. ~ Stephen Pressfield, Do the Work
Will I be the wild woman? Will I believe my own words in regards to God’s presence showing up more profoundly when stepping into places of bold and even controversial truth vs. assumed expectations and worlds of seeming safety? Will I be a prophet? Will I speak? These are the questions I ask myself – over and over again.
The truth? I already know the answers.
More on this just days away.