The music I listen to reflects my mood. For the past few days I’ve cycled through Alanis Morissette and The Flavors of Entanglement. Go ahead. I know you’re doing it anyway: interpret away.
Regardless of my current emotional state or the day-to-day stories of my life that have me singing songs like Straitjacket, Versions of Violence, Not as We, and Moratorium, I was stopped in my tracks when I came across #11: Incomplete. I hit “repeat” three times before moving on.
Maybe you can understand why:
…One day, my mind will retreat
And I’ll know God
And I’ll be constantly one with her
Night, dusk and day…
Ahhh, the respite in my mind when I can imagine and even visualize/actualize retreating and knowing “one” with anything/anyone. Ahhh, the respite in my heart when I hear a feminine adjective for God. It’s like this mystical, magical balm for my deepest self. A bright and shining mirror; an ennobling, empowering entity that is like me – not “other,” but intimate.
…Ever unfolding, ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done…
Always changing, growing, aching, loving, hoping, crying, rejoicing, suffering, roaring! What if I accepted the idea that I’m never done? That feels like more than faith. That feels like its reward: salvation. I know it intellectually, but what if I actually incorporated it into my heart, my soul, my very being? I’m never done. I’m never done. I’m never done. What would that be like? Alanis tells me:
…One day, I will speak freely
I’ll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art…
…One day, I will be faith filled
I’ll be trusting and spacious
Authentic and grounded and whole…
Alanis Morissette does faith. Better than most. Alanis offers me a faith that makes sense, that is inclusive, healing, and rich. Faith = trusting and spacious and authentic and grounded and whole. ‘Has nothing to do with doctrine, theology, beliefs, religion. And it still could. Ahhh.
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
Missing the rapture the whole time? NO! I don’t want to miss it. I won’t miss it! I don’t want to and won’t miss my own life.
Not a negative mantra; but a positive, beautiful, redemptive, and glorious one. Sounds like something to have faith in: me. The rapture cometh. Thanks, Alanis.
God is smiling. I can picture her now. Ahhh.